Where is my life going?

Everyday as my life is flying by, everyone that surrounds me, including myself, has the same question: Where are you going?

Where is my life going? What is my purpose of living on this enormous, spinning ball that we call Earth?

I don't want to just live. I want to breathe in life, exhale the life, experience what truly matters, and be an inspiration to others. I want, no, I need tingling goosebumps, overwhelming emotion, heavy, hard-falling teardrops, and deep sighs. I need to feel.

Music is what I feel. Most people just.don't.get.it. And, you know what? That's okay, really. It would be ridiculous for me to expect everyone to see things the way I do.

For the past two years, I have not held a steady job. I have not committed to working for a paycheck every two weeks and I certaintly haven't dedicated my time to earning a decent living. Instead, I act like a lazy bum and sit around, writing in my notebook, pretty much doing whatever I want during the week. On the weekends, my time is spent driving, selling merchandise (I like to call it 'slingin'), opening the pores of my soul so that music may seep in. I hang out with amazing musicians, songwriters, and crews, and am blessed to consider them my friends. Because I did not grow up listening to every genre of music, I have been playing what I like to call "catch-up". Every weekend I consume heavy amounts of inspiration, toke in appreciation, and attempt to fill each shelf in that noggin' of mine full of new learning material.

The love of my life is music.

Am I trying to be a big star? Hell no. Do I love writing? Hell yes. It comes natural and it allows me to express different emotions, tell stories, explain feelings, and create a sense of accomplishment. I'm not trying to push my writing to anyone if I ask them to write with me. Do I hope that if someone, anyone, reads the lyrics they'll feel what I'm trying to say? Hell to the yes. That's my purpose. I just don't have the talent like friends of mine in this industry do to put the music and melody to them. Sometimes I do have a melody but I'm not a musician, so I can kinda hum it out or what not. 

The feeling when a musician picks up something little 'ol me has written and immediately "feels" it and is able to put music to it on the spot is unbelievable. 

It cuts into my chest, opens my soul, pours itself inside, filling every empty space, and sews me back up. THAT'S HOW I FEEL. 

THEN, It's almost ripping at the seams to get out. Like I need to tell someone, share that experience and feeling. 

FRIENDS.

Have I cut out most of my friends outside of the music industry? Yes. Do I like it? No and yes. I have a hard time trying to explain what it means to me to friends outside of this industry.  Mainstream music on the radio is not what it's all about. Most people don't understand that. They don't see the amazing talent of bands and writers and musicians, etc. They just want to hear what's on the radio. Yea, not me. Houston radio stations SUCK. Yes, they SUCK. One more time. THEY SUCK. If such a HUGE city isn't being exposed to what is real, different artists, etc., then it's almost like they're brainwashed. 

"Those that don't & can't do what we do don't understand why we do what we do." -Nick Tate

*Stepping off of my soapbox.* Goodnight.